SLOP BUCKET

I've been doing the work. Eighteen months of therapy, two workbooks, and a certification in somatic experiencing. And now I can finally say what economists have been too emotionally unavailable to admit: America doesn't have trade partners. America has attachment issues.

The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists issued a rare correction Tuesday after a routine audit revealed a decimal point error that had persisted in their doomsday calculations since 2014. The revised figures indicate the clock passed midnight approximately eight years ago.

Gold hit $5,300 this week and I do not understand why anyone would be excited about this. It is a rock. You cannot stake it. It does not have a whitepaper. My portfolio has outperformed gold for three of the last seven years and I do not see boomers writing opinion pieces about that.

Researchers at a major university have identified a troubling correlation between TikTok consumption velocity and capacity for emotional fulfillment, according to a study published this week in the Journal of Behavioral Metrics.

A comprehensive study from researchers at a major institution has confirmed what sources familiar with the matter have long suspected: eyewitness testimony is inherently unreliable, except when witnesses corroborate the official version of events.

Kyle Brennan, 41, wakes at 4:47 a.m. in a studio apartment in Austin. His morning routine takes 2 hours and 14 minutes. He has not seen his children in eight months.

One in five Americans cannot afford their heating bills this winter, according to a new report, and experts warn those Americans may subsequently experience the downstream effects of being unable to afford their heating bills.

The discourse began, as it often does, with a since-deleted tweet.

A new study from the Leadership Institute at a major research university has found that parents who publicly berate volunteer youth soccer coaches produce 34.7% more Fortune 500 executives than graduates of Harvard Business School.

The experiment began on a Tuesday. I declined a recurring sync, citing "calendar conflict," and waited for consequences that never arrived.

A landmark study published Thursday in the Journal of Hindsight Analytics confirms what millions of Americans shouting at televisions have long suspected: they would have made the correct play call 94.7% of the time.

You've probably heard the news: Americans are paying for tariffs. Studies confirm it. Economists agree. Your grocery bill has the receipts.

A 2024 study from the Journal of Applied Behavioral Wellness found that 73.2% of adults who regularly vocalize frustration at household objects report feeling "somewhat heard." For smart speaker owners, that number rises to 81.4%.

Economists are raising concerns that the rapid expansion of prediction markets has created a new class of investor with a direct financial stake in catastrophic outcomes.

Scientists studying mysterious cosmic objects known as "dark stars" are raising concerns that the theoretical phenomena may have implications far beyond astrophysics.

You have a dog. You walk it. But are you walking it correctly?

SYDNEY — Australia's landmark social media ban for children under 16 has entered its second month, and parents across the nation are reporting an unforeseen crisis: their children have begun existing in shared physical spaces and appearing to want things from them.

Last March, my FICO score was 812. I had excellent credit, a rewards card I never used, and zero understanding of what any of it meant. So I did what any reasonable person would do: I systematically dismantled my credit score to see what would happen.

Your existential dread is an untapped revenue stream.

A new study on vaccine hesitancy has produced an unexpected result: a 23% increase in vaccination rates among the very population it studied.

Washington, D.C. — The federal government announced Wednesday that it would be eliminating grants for addiction treatment and mental health services, a decision officials described as "difficult" and "not something we're going to think about after today."

I used to believe in software. I'd sign up for every tool that promised to optimize my workflow, automate my life, and finally achieve inbox zero. I was wrong. Here's what I learned, ranked by how many months each tool charged my card before I remembered it existed.

Mental health professionals are raising concerns about a troubling trend: people setting boundaries.

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early." Great philosophy, terrible for sprint planning.

FULL ANALYSIS ON PAGE 4

A new study from researchers at an unspecified European institution has found a striking correlation between two-factor authentication usage and reflexive apologizing, even when no wrongdoing has occurred.

Everyone who's succeeded with cold plunges says the same thing: it changed their life. So I bought a chest freezer, filled it with ice, and committed to 30 days. Here's what happened.

As someone who has spent eleven years studying relationships through podcasts and sunrise breathwork, I need to say what the wellness community has been whispering: love languages are dead. And I know who killed them.

Multiple anonymous sources have confirmed that the thermostat in Building C was adjusted sometime between 2 and 4 PM yesterday.

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Look, I don't want to be the one saying this. As someone with a vinyl collection that's frankly become a burden to insure, I have skin in the game. But someone needs to connect the dots.